When we said our vows 13 year ago to love, honor, obey, I never imagined I would be I'd already be at the to death do us part. Being an English major, I can't help but look for foreshadowing or God's hand throughout the years. Even as I look back on our wedding, I think of picking "Blessed be the Name of the Lord" as one of the songs we sang. I don't know quite why we picked the songs we did, other than the Holy Spirit's prompting. I remember singing along to Josh and God at the wedding and getting to the lines, "Blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering. Though there's pain in the offering, blessed be your name. When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say Blessed be the Name of the Lord." At those lines I conciously remember the shot of fear, the quick prayer that it would not be for us, but also the certainty that life is marked with both blessings and suffering. No one, not one, escapes from pain. From suffering. From death. We had decided though, even back then that we were bless the Lord in the midst of this pain. That we would turn our face towards our Lord when those days came and that we would bless His name no matter what. I am thankful now for that covenant that we made to not just each other on our wedding day, but to the Lord. I am so thankful that even from the first day of our marriage that we sought to honor God with our lives together and now apart. For I do not know how I would survive these days without Josh, without the Lord by my side, walking this road, holding me in His hands, surrounding me with His love and comfort. We didn't have a perfect marriage, we fought, we bickered, we didn't see eye to eye on many things, but we did love the Lord. We did seek to raise our children to love and know Him. We did seek to point each other towards Christ each step of the way.
So for now I weep with my children at the loss of what was and will never be again. We weep for our dreamed about future that will never be. We weep for the anniversaries that will never be celebrated and the weddings he will never attend. Yet, we say, blessed be the name of the Lord.
I betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord. Hosea 2:19-20
💔⏩💙😘
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