Yesterday marked 6 months since I last saw Josh. How is it possible it has been 6 months?! The longest and shortest 6 months of my life. In one minute I can see, hear, and hug him and the next I can't. I feel like I am two people. The one who is wife, mother, beloved and the one who is widow, mother and alone. Every story I tell has him part of it. How do you wake up one day and realize it has been 6 months since he's been part of a story.
We are in Josh's hometown with family for the weekend. It is good for all of us to eat, play and mourn together. Last night was a night of grilling out and playing with cousins. It was also a night of remembering. My sister-in-law brought paper lanterns. We had a slight delay as a storm blew through. The kids didn't mind though as they played in the rain soaking wet with foot races and kick ball fun. The little ones thought laying in the middle of the puddles on the asphalt drive was a perfect place to get warm. So funny! I so appreciate the joy that children bring to any day. When the storm finally passed we were able to catch the end of the pink sunset before launching the lanterns. We did half laugh at the challenge of lighting lanterns. It took a few trial runs before we felt comfortable working with the kids on doing it. When we did finally work out the kinks, the sky was lit with the beauty of fire, light and color. We were able to share memories and favorite things about our Josh. I am so thankful to be able to cry and mourn with others who loved him so much as well.
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. -Romans 12:14
I'm so glad you got to spend time remembering, mourning, and laughing. And I praise God that while Josh may be physically not present in this story of life, God promises Josh is in the story of eternity. And so are you. Love you Kelly!
ReplyDeleteKelly,
ReplyDeleteI just read through all your post through March with tears in my eyes.
But, you know what I find astounding?
Your faith! It radiates through all of the brokenness, the grief, the hurt and even in the everyday victories you have shared!
You are transparent in your writing. Your beaming faith is awe inspiring.
Josh isn't with you physically but in your heart he lives and is loved. The way you share how you love and live would make him even prouder to have you on his team!
I strongly believe that marriage is a team effort & you with God on your side are rocking the mom, wife, widow , employee and the varying family member roles you have. You represent Christ, you represent Josh, you represent you & your family. I am so thankful you are able to lean into Gods grace in all of it. Because of your love for Him and your obedience in faith Even when it's hard God is using you to make a difference in others lives. I'm so thankful for this these moments that you have shared! You are incredible & just as Josh was/ is proud to call you wife and mother of his children I am proud to call you sister in love!
God is making this brokness into beauty one story , one moment and one experience at a time!
We are thinking of you! Praying for you & sending lots of love!!!!!!