The missing

Nothing like having a hand made birthday present of a mouse house made out of all my favorite candies to bring a glimpse of joy. My kids decided that was exactly what I wanted. It totally made me laugh and was absolutely adorable and so thoughtful. They also purchased a wooden spoon to give me my birthday spankings! Little stinkers!  After work, we went to mom and dad’s for my favorite mashed potatoes, corn and gravy with pork chops. I feel very blessed to spend the day with so many loved ones.
This month the missing has been something awful. It’s almost like if you don’t have a person around for a little bit the missing is awful but it hasn’t been that long so you survive because other things are busy, but then when it gets too long you just miss that person with an ache that just doesn’t seem to lessen. The knowledge that I will see him again in heaven was helpful, but its just tooo long to wait. I miss him now so desperately. I miss his laugh, his dry sense of humor, his hugs, how he’d sleep with his arms crossed, his snoring even. I hear Caleb talking so excitedly about sports stats and teams, and I just cant help but think about how much joy that would have brought Josh to share with his son a love of sports, and talk all day about games and teams. He LOVED all that fantasy football and sports stuff, and as I see Caleb loving it too, it just makes the ache all that deeper. We went to a hockey game Thursday for birthday celebrations with my mom and I literally start bawling in the middle of the game because all I could think about is how much Josh would have loved to have been there too. Josh was always a laid back person, until there was some kind of sports competition. The thought of not being able to go to a sporting event, golf with him, or watch a football game cuddled up on the coach next to him ever again sends me into fits of tears. It’s funny all the things you love because your spouse loves it.  I miss watching and playing football, going to Spartan games, and playing golf  I even like these things after years of doing them with him (although I don’t think I will ever love watching golf on TV!) It makes me think how much we change because of those we love. How much we love things after awhile because we love doing it with our loved ones, and we did it in the first place because we love them and want to be with them. I am forever changed because of him.

He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3