Sucker punches

I was blessed today with friends who came and helped me clean, sanitize and take down Christmas.  We has just come back to town from celebrating Christmas with Josh's family  I had just finished unloading the van into the kitchen when he died. Needless to say everything was everywhere. It helped so much to have help with the daunting task of putting Christmas away. However, today was yet another example of how I can be doing relatively fine one minute and the next feel like I have been sucker punched. It's always stupid random stuff too that gets me. Today I found Josh's work out bag with his sweaty used shirt... that smelled and felt just like him. In an instant I'm in his arms hugging him with my face pressed against the softness of his shirt and with my nose at his armpit smelling the sweet smell of minty deodorant and sweat (Yep, armpit height is exactly where my nose hit on his giant frame). And just like that I was sucker punched again. I found his deodorant the other day and totally lost it. Note to self- smell is a major trigger!