Clinging to God seems like the only thing possible right now. There is no way to survive this without Him, of that I have no doubt. However, I realize my naive 'everything is eventually going to be alright' and that 'nothing more bad can happen' thoughts aren't quite reality. Bad things happen. And sometimes more bad things happen after what you imagine the worse to be. I get that it is part of the brokenness of the world, but the question remains of how do you ... how do I ...trust God in the midst? How do I not live caught in a spirit of fear? Of living in a worse case scenario imagining? Of expecting the worse? I don't want to be caught like I was today, imagining the most awful of situations to happen. I don't want to live life with panic welling up in me when I feel out of control and afraid for those I love. How do I live with trust and full assurance in my God who I know loves me, and loves those around me, when I know first hand bad stuff can and does happens? I cling to the promises that all things work together for good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purposes. I know this to be true. Yet today I didn't do a good job of trusting God. I let fear and panic overwhelm me. Pray I cling close to my Lord, and am held by Him. Pray for peace in the midst of chaos. Pray for trust in my sovereign God in the midst of suffering. Pray I'd not live in a spirit of fear, but in one of trust, joy and full assurance in my God who loves me.
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise- in God I trust and am not afraid. - Psalm 56:3-4
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self- control. 2 Timothy 1:7
Oh Kelly, I read your post this morning and have been thinking of you and praying for you all during church. What a tough but so completely real struggle. How do you live in peace and trust when you have felt the bottom fall out? How do you not give in to that fear whenever a potentially bad situation arises? I have no easy answer, but the thing that's been sticking in my mind is that Jesus knows your heart. He know your deep desire to trust. He knows also, that sometimes, some tough days, you will struggle with giving in to fear, but do not be discouraged! Jesus hears the cry of your heart and even if you feel you've "failed" to trust today, God will NOT stop strenthing you for the future. In a very poor comparison , I think of how I desperately want to not be a mom that loses it and gives in to my anger. Some days I follow God and speak his truth to my kids. Some days I fail utterly. Thanks be to God he loves me anyway, and uses my failure to grow me even more. Long story longer---i know yesterday was horrible, but I know you will continue to repeat God's promises until they become the complete song of your heart. I love you Kelly!
ReplyDeleteSorry for the novel and I hope it makes sense. It's just the outpouring of all I was thinking and praying this morning!!
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