First day

Today was all of our first day back to school for the 2017-18 school year. Well actually I have been back for a few weeks, but it is my students' first day back so it counts!  I knew going in that this would be a rough one for us all. Since we tend to have the same first days back, Josh has always taken the back to school pictures and driven them to school. Since I have to go to work so early on my first day, the kids spent the night at my sister's house so she could take them in the morning. Last night was tough as the realization that daddy wouldn't be taking them really set in.  Rocking them in my sister's big old rocking chair singing the same songs I sang them as babies to still their fears and tears, I once again sang of "I love you Lord" and "When I am afraid, I will trust in you". Singing, praying, and crying with them as we rocked and hugged and cuddled grieving together. For how else do you comfort your now child size baby whose hearts are breaking.
 And yet, with the morning came the excitement, nervousness and joy of meeting new teachers, seeing favorite friends and reveling in being another year older in school. Their smiles of delight brightened my soul as my sister sent me pictures of their smiling faces. The stories of first day fun brought relief and reminders that with each day there is pain but also joy in the present and just around the corner. Praising God for this new school year and praying they grow in knowing and loving God more intimately and deeply, maturing in social and emotional ways, developing even more loving friendships... along with learning all the reading, writing and arithmetic!

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Nighttime conversation

A nighttime conversation with my son as I'm tucking him into bed, "Caleb, what would you ask God tonight?" Between his thumb and puppy Caleb mumbles, "Why did daddy have to die?"
"Is there anything else you'd ask him?
Whispering once again, "Why did you not save daddy?"
"Caleb, what does God says back to you?"
Silence.
Then a small, sweet voice. "Sorry.  I love you."

Yes, Caleb, I think God is telling you that very thing.


Oh Lord, draw my children close to you. Hold them in your arms. Comfort and surround them with your everlasting love, and bring them to trust you more each day.


See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven. - Matthew 18:10

Let the children one to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God....And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them. Mark 10:14,16

Fun Food Fridays

The last two months the kids and I have been having fun food friday. While I have been a slacker at posting blogs, I have been avidly reading other blogs.  One blog, 'Meet the Dubiens', has the best ideas for kids' lunches. She has these bento boxes she uses for her kids' lunches and she make the cutest meals. Grace, Kay and Caleb loved the idea of having cute lunches so I figured I would give it a try. They like helping make it and love the final product. I really enjoy being creative in a way that doesn't require artistic skills like drawing, etc. Most of the materials are things that I already own too: cookie cutters to make the shapes, play-doh shape cutters to make the smaller ones, silicone baking cups, and regular food that we always have around. Here are just a few of the ones we have done:

Grace with her bunny. A simple peanut and butter sandwich with apple ears, cheese whiskers, a carrot nose, and chocolate sprinkle eyes.  Applesauce with sprinkles in the cup with a side of veggies and dip. :) 

Caleb already stealing the bunnies whiskers! :) I like the challenge of getting all the food groups in one meal.  

Quesadilla flower with veggie grass. I loved the idea of using chicken quesadilla for the flower, cucumber skin peel to make the stem and silicon cupcake cups to hold the dip. :) 

Kay loved the owl. :)  Cheese, food safe markers,  quesadilla, and carrots. She had already eaten the apple and rest of her lunch before I could take the picture!  

Now I really don't have tons of time to do this stuff for those of you who think I'm crazy. We only do it on Fridays for lunch because it is the only day that we are typically home on a regular basis. It is a nice intro to the weekend and we all enjoy it.  I actually can't wait until the girls have to pack lunches for school. Granted I am not up for daily 'fun food' but I like the idea of adding little touches and also continuing fun food friday with their school lunches/ bento boxes. 

Another day in the life of 1 & 3 year olds

 

Ahh the day in the life of 1 & 3 year olds looks something like the following. After refusing to take a nap this afternoon, I find Kayleigh sound asleep while reading her children's Bible. Nothing like falling asleep while reading about how much Jesus loves the little children.  I love it!

 

"Uh hi mom, what you doing... don't mind mind me"

That same day, I walked into the kitchen to find the girls had gotten out the veggies and dip. No big deal. I like them eating veggies. It's all good. After leaving the room to put away some laundry, I come back to find this:

YUM! I love carrots & dip!

See mom, veggie dip makes great finger paint.

See, I like broccoli too!

I even help clean up after my veggie & dip mess.

As you can see, Caleb had his fair share of veggies & LOTS of dip. It was all over his clothes and face. Little stinker.

In other events of the day....Caleb loves to mimic me , which lead to this when I was doing my daily workout video.

Yes, he has soup cans that he is using as his weights (then again I am using a spaghetti sauce jar).

I have to say that I love to the little moments in the life of my kiddos. It makes for some joy, frustrations, laughter, tears, and a very interesting day. :)

Papa John's store

Every time we go to visit Josh's family the girls instantly jump to, "I want to go to Papa John's store and see Papa John, and Nana, and Carson, and get some mac n' cheese, and chicken, and ice cream and candy.... ". This list goes on for at least a minute. Below is a glimpse at our trip this weekend to Papa John's store.

What a cozy bed Kay has found.....

.....under a cigarette display!

Aww.... Grace found a bed too.. under the cash register!

Nothing like eating and riding ;)

YAY! I LOVE food!

Hmm... How high can I climb this pole?

Do I have a hitchhiker?

But I don't wanna leave Papa John's store!

Cincy Cousins!

Rolling down the hill, playing with bugs, and playing games with Josh.

Josh had a conference in Cincinnati this week, and since his aunt and cousins live in the area, the kids and I decided to tag along for the trip.  We stayed at Josh's cousins house. She has two daughters, ages 6 and 2. The girls had a blast together. Kayleigh and Grace were in heaven with an entire house of new girlie toys to play with and a swing set outside.

Grace, Callie, and Caleb playing with worms.

Caleb and Callie rocking on the front porch.

Caleb and Callie were continually cracking each other up as they tossed food over the side of their seats, played peak a boo through the window, and rocked on the chairs on the front porch together. It was fun to see Caleb interact with someone around his own age.

Caleb and Callie playing with a puzzle.

Keelin, Grace, and Kayleigh loved spending the day together. They slept in sleeping bags in Keelin's room. Hours into 'bedtime' you could hear their giggles echoing down the stairs. It makes me smile thinking of how much fun Marian and I had as kids staying up half the night talking and laughing with each other and cousins. Keelin has been showing off her new reading skills as she read the girls books at bed each night. The girls love to be read to, so it is not tough convincing them to be an attentive audience. Oh and they just adored the hours of playing with Barbies, dolls, and Disney princesses. :) It was a little girls' dream.

Keelin reading to Kay (l) and Grace (r).

It makes me sad that the girls don't have cousins that live around us that are their own age. They have so much fun when we have weekends with their cousins. It is good to have this opportunity to have fun and visit now though! :)

Lions and tigers and bears, Oh my!

Caleb wonders, "um girls, you know that's not real?"
 

Awww, Kay loves you beary much! 

Today Kathryn and I took the kids to the zoo. It was actually really fun. The weather was perfect for pants and a light jacket, there were hardly any people there (a great thing about 11am on a Thursday), and everyone was excited to be there! Enjoy our day at the zoo told through pictures. :)

Grace- "... he is big...."

Yeah, family photo op- fail!

Kayleigh (l) and Grace (r)  decided they would prefer to NOT hug this bear. In their words, "He is not white. He is a dirty bear. He needs a bath."

Who can resist this face?

Kay and the seal try to make a connection.

Who were we kidding trying to get a photo with 4 kids?!

A guy kept feeding the peacocks popcorn.... yeah, I said no when he offered it to my kids after!

 

Watching the giraffe eat. Kay was our official directions girl with the map.

Awww.. what a pretty smile! :)

Lots of races today-- great idea with 3 kid & 1 stroller

Caleb thinks, "Wait for me!"

This is his "who who" face.

Love times a million my picture with my little man!

Hmmm. mom, when is it my turn to feed the giraffe?

This concludes our day at the zoo. Hope you enjoyed it because we certainly did!

Loving Motherhood, A Mother's Love.

I was telling Josh today that this is the longest extended time that I can say that I feel like a GOOD mother. Not only feel like a good mother, but honestly LIKE being a mom. Even going so far as to say that I would LOVE to be home with them every day.

With that said, I'm not saying I thought I was a horrible mother. It is just that I have this vision of what a good mother looks like. A good mother is patient, kind, never yells, doesn't lose her temper, cares for her children always, gets up in the middle of the night without a problem, keeps her house clean while having dinner on the table, is engaged with her children, plays with them on their level, and teaches them in fun and interesting ways. Oh and did I mention that she should also work out, have time to spend with God, and work.

Needless to say, I do not live up to this image of motherhood. I think back to the last 4 years of motherhood and honestly disliked myself and the whole thing for the first 2 years of it. It was SO much HARDER that I could have ever imagined. It tested me to my breaking point. Twin preemies, nursing night and day, sleepless nights (I do not function well without sleep), no time to even take a shower, 3 kids under 3......  I felt so helpless and angry. I should love every minute with them, not dread being alone with them. I should say without hesitation that I love motherhood, not that the first year of motherhood was the worst year of my life. I would lose my temper and then feel horrible for yelling at them. I would get so frustrated and impatient with their accidents, whining, crying, and never ending need of me. Yet, those are the facts and that made me feel like the worst mother ever. I loved them, but often I felt like it was more than I could bear.



Kay and Grace playing with their dolls (clearly the house is a mess and I have loads of laundry to do).



I have been trying to think of what has changed to make me feel not so bad about motherhood. Josh and I took a marriage class this summer where we had to put into practice each week an aspect of love highlighted in 1 Corinthians 13:6-7, "Love is patient, love is kind, it does envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps not record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always hopes, always projects, always trusts, always perseveres."  It has made such a difference in my relationship both my Josh and my kids. I am not saying that I have it down by any means, but I have grown in these areas with my family in leaps and bounds through the grace of God. I am not perfected, but I am growing. I can honestly say that I am more patient with the kids, that I don't get as angry as quickly, that I try to love them through the way that God has broken it down for us.

I realize I do not feel like a better mother because my house is always clean, or because I have gotten the whole thing down. I feel like a better mother because God has helped me love my dear children better. To love them more like he loves them.



I also realize I have balanced taking care of myself and them a bit better. I have been doing a quiet time everyday and trying to work out a couple times a week (canceling cable has helped with this). I also have started this pre3 homeschool program with the girls. It has helped so much to have quality activities to do with them that I can be actively involved in. I struggle with getting down and playing with the girls, but this is something they love and I can do with them. I genuinely like being home with them.  Of course the other side of things is giving myself a break on my list of expectations of motherhood. I will probably never have a 24-7 pristine house (even though I wish), I will still lose my temper (even though I am growing in this), I will probably never be as good as my husband at getting down on the ground and playing with them (though I shall continue to try). In the meantime, I can say that I am a mother actively growing in love (the 1 Corinthians kind) with my children each day through God's help..... and that is what makes me a good mother.  (Now just to remind myself of that daily) ;)