To church again

Today was the first day driving ourselves back to church. The last times we have been there have been for the funeral and then last week when my entire family came. I was blessed today to have my sister and nieces and nephews come, along with a friend from church who brought us chai teas. In some ways going to church is one of those really hard things to do now. Due to Josh's work schedule, I have become used to do many things solo in the evenings. I'm already used to social events without him, driving kids to school, doing bedtime routines solo. However, Sundays were our day together. He always drove. We'd sit side by side, or with kids piled on top of our laps. When they'd leave for SonLight City,  I'd slide my hand into his coat pocket to have mine engulfed by his huge paws.  We'd both sing off key as we praised our God together.  As we'd drive home we'd discuss what we learned from God's Word that day. He'd always have insights that I'd miss as the way he'd approach the world was so different than me.  We'd get home and immediately the football game would go on. I'd cuddle in the blanket next to him.  Every other Sunday we'd head to our Small Group Bible Study. We had a few years where we yearned to find a small group to join together. It was always a challenge with his crazy work schedule. However, we finally found one we loved that worked for us. Sunday evenings. He loved getting food together, and off we'd go to fellowship with others who loved the Lord too. I cherish deeply the time we had spending time with God and friends together.
We went to church today because I love the Lord. We went because I want my children to understand and know that in our family God is first. We went because even though it breaks my heart over and over to not have Josh beside us worshipping God, I choose to still worship and love God first and foremost. We go because I need to be elevated above my circumstances to be humbled and held by God's mighty and loving hands.  My children didn't want to go today. It hurt to hear their pain and their whining. I get how hard it is and yet I need us to go. I need them to know God is faithful and loves them. For I am resolved to follow the Lord, no matter the circumstances. Pray my children can praise God at home and church. Pray for strength for each new day. Pray they desire and want to go to church where we can be surrounded by love, support and God's Word. Pray that God grow our dependence and faith in Him more each day.