The wee hours of the morning and I are not friends. It is in those hours of 3-4 a.m that my thoughts race, my heart aches, and my body will not rest. Early this morning it was about the logistics of how executing a living trust works, how to pay debts and in which order, how to sell a car that is only in his name, how to do it in a way that is legally responsible, how to use the money to pay the medical bills, how to, how to, how to.... So many questions I don't have answers for and lead me to seeking advice from hundreds of google search sites with no true answers at the end of my two hour quest.
In some ways today's wee morning was easy. At least it didn't bear the anguish other mornings have brought. Anguish that only seems to be eased by the Word of God or his truth through song. I have never been a big song person. I have a total of one I-Tunes song in my song library. However, now I can barely stand to be without it. His truths through music soothes the din in my head and heart. Today especially, I was so blessed by music and the warm weather. I was able to walk as I listened and enjoyed God's crisp creation. Walking has always been one of my favorite activities. I love walking fast, feeling the breeze in my hair and speed to my step. It makes me feel alive. Alive feels good.
I'm happy you were able to enjoy a moment. Praying you continue to feel blessed and comforted by the God who inspired all those powerful song lyrics.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm so sorry you have to think and worry about all those things and be kept up :(. One verse that always comforted me was thinking about how Jesus loves the sparrows and notices when one falls, He sees your hurt and worry and He cares.
ReplyDeleteKelly, as you are worrying at night our prayers are going out to you. You feel alone now without Josh because he was (as every husband should be) your partner in more ways than you can count. You were a perfect team, seamless. The new struggle is to figure out how to move forward without your best player. My prayers for you are that everything will fall into place in a new but working order. Please remember dear friend that you need not struggle alone. God has strategically placed friends and family in place to help you pick up the pieces and put them back together in working order... a new order. It will take time for this new order to feel normal.. but soon the new normal will feel comfortable and that is when you will be able to feel peace... hugs
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