clothes

The girls were home today from school with strep throat so I unexpectedly had an entire afternoon home. I didn't plan to but suddenly I found myself going through Josh's clothes. I had been thinking about and dreading this task for months, and then I just randomly did it. More than a few tears were shed, but I was unexpectedly ok. I made three catergories. The first pile, a donate to good will pile of random never worn things, was easy. I decided to keep a drawer in his actual dresser for our very favorites. The ties that Caleb can wear someday, the blue berry scrubs, the worn out yellow shirt he wore 24-7 for years, his favorite MSU sweatshirt, pants he wore all the time so the kids can see how tall their daddy was, my favorite so soft and worn blue t-shirts that I hug and  feel wrapped in his embrace again....  The drawer of our treasures that remind us of him and we can sneak in and grab when we need to. I then made a third pile that ended up being 3 big bins of clothes, jackets, and shoes that remind me of Josh and I just can't let go of. I don't want to make decisions on those things yet.  I figure that if his family wants to look through and pick things they can, and we can keep the rest.  If we decide someday to let those things go, we can or we can keep them around forever. For now they are in the storage room. And that is good for now. I am grateful for this. Grateful that while I cried all the way through it, I also smiled at the memories associated with so many of those clothes. The MSU game we went to in that green MSU hoodie, the hug I gave him in the blue t-shirt just days before we died, the blue scrubs that I would tease him made him look like a blueberry, the yellow shirt that remind me of when we first met all those years ago. Oh how I miss him, but I am so blessed by the memories we made. I treasure the clothes, but mainly because they remind me of all the ways he cared for the kids and I, the faith he shared with us, the memories we made together, the joy and loved we shared. Those are what I value the most.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither  moths nor rust destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  Matthew 6:18