ROUGH!

Today was just a plan awful day! Kay woke up crying with a horrid sore throat. After taking one look at her tonsils, I immediately made her a doctor's appointment.  She was miserable. I ran the other two to school and grabbed some work from school. The intersection right where my school is was randomly closed on the way to school and I didn't realize it. Anyways, as I tried to figure out how to get around it and get to school, I get pulled over for not heeding the sign that the road was closed, and pulling down the sub street.  Nothing like a ticket to start the day. At the last minute I decided to grab Grace from school even though she felt completely fine because with those two, once one gets sick the other one has it within a day. Good thing I did because they tested her too and they both tested positive for Strep!  So glad I am not having to head back to the doctor's again tomorrow. The bad news is that is another day home sick tomorrow. UGH! My poor girls have had a rough month! Pray for healing for our family.

I had another counseling appointment. As rough as the first one went, the last two have been really helpful. In some ways it becomes one of the places I can just let the grief flow, which needs to happen and yet is so hard to do when life is going a million miles an hour. And let me tell the grief didn't just flow it burst forth in hiccups, sobs, and a gushing dam of words. My eyes still hurt from the overflow of emotion.  Of course it just continued the rest of the night.  The kids and I talked some about the upcoming Father's Day projects that naturally happen in classes, church, and all around.  I didn't get two words out before I glanced at Caleb, saw a tear, and started bawling. All of us were a sobbing mess within seconds. It was long overdue. It was helpful to open the discussion on how to do some of these days. I don't want them blindsided. Ugh- I hate all of this. Seeing my kids hurt so horribly breaks me anew each day.  I fail so many times losing my temper, not spending enough time with them 1-1, not giving them my full attention, just wanting to be by myself and hide. I hide behind letting them play on the IPad or watch TV because I just don't want to care for anyone else for an hour or just want to be alone for a bit. I know they are desperate for attention, affection, love and stability. I feel so inadequate to provide all they need.  Praying God would meet their every need as I fail repeatedly. Praying that God would heal their hearts and comfort their souls. Praying they turn to God to fill the gap. Praying they grow in trust and love for God. Praying I can mother well and love them well and be who they need. Praying God has an extra measure of grace for us all. Praying that they learn from me to love God well and not learn my impatience and failures. Praying I model and show them how much God loves them.  Praying I can faithfully teach them about God. Praying they follow Him all the days of their lives.

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Deuteronomy 6:6-7

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; They are new every morning; Great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23