I am starting counseling this afternoon. It's kind of funny that I'm nervous about it when I counsel people for a living. I already went to a counselor when Josh and I were first married. There is nothing like the stress of figuring out how to live with someone you love but who is completely different than you to motivate one to seek some extra help. Well here I am again at the opposite end of the spectrum. There is nothing like the stress of figuring out how to NOT live with someone you love to make one seek some extra help. UGH! I realize one of my main fears is that I am screwing this whole grief thing up. That I am going to do something wrong or not in the way that people think I should and screw us all up. It seems at times that everyone has an opinion about how and what grief looks like or should do or not do. I never realized the list of rules that exist. It'd be one thing if everyone would be on the same page with these rules, but NOPE, definitely NOT! I get told one thing from one person and the complete opposite from another. I'm not grieving enough. I'm grieving too much. I need to go have some fun. I need to mourn alone. I should be more depressed now. I to talk to people. I am in shock. I am in denial. It hasn't hit me yet. I cry too much. I cry not enough. I smile too much. The list is endless. It feels like a whole lot of pressure, and I'm just waiting to screw it up in everyone's eyes. And of course the perfectionistic, pleaser side of me can't stand the thought of screwing it all up. So for now, I am going to see a counselor today.
FYI- I love that Jesus is called wonderful counselor. You add the Holy Spirit on that and I am blessed. Praising God for that.
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6
And i will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, You will know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. - John 14:15-16
I am a counseling fan, I hope you find it helpful. And Kelly however you're doing this, you are surviving this horrible event, day by day, just do what you gotta do to make it through and to whatever the future holds. You're doing great.
ReplyDeleteThere is no "should" in grief... and there is no 1 right way to grieve... what rules??? Kelly, you do you... grief is unique to each person and each situation. Hope you like your counselor, if not let me know. Not every counselor is a good fit.
ReplyDeleteI feel like the older I get the more I realize that no human being completely knows the right way to do anything...there is always the possibility of that curve ball we didn't see coming. We strive to do the right things and the best of what we know...but at the end of the day there is only one who knows; and our peace comes when we know we are continually working on knowing Him and His will. I know you are doing that, so you will grieve in your own messy but WITH CHRIST way, and that will give you the peace you need.
ReplyDeleteCounseling will be great...I hope you quickly find a good fit for you. Who doesn't need someone to talk to freely about it all and get some constructive feedback? When I saw a counselor, she prayed for me and I could sense the Holy Spirit working through her..it was a great blessing.
♡ you girl!