The emotional rollercoaster is driving me nuts! There is no such thing as gracefully moving through the stages of grief. I call shenanigans. Stages. What stages?! I vascillate wildly between every stage in a matter of a day, an hour, sometimes even ten minutes! I feel like a crazy person. Today I started completely fine. I even made the kids cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Did you hear that?! I made something for breakfast. The only thing we've eaten for four months is granola bars running out the door, but today I worked out, made breakfast, and we were in the car early! I get to work though and here comes another mood shift. Not happy. Not sad. Just there. Depressed? Numb? Who knows at this point? I don't feel happy, I don't feel angry. I just don't even feel. The day continues as such until suddenly I'm trying to do what should be a stupidly simple task, and is it simple. Does it go as planned? NOPE! I'm instantly vaulted back into feeling helpless and hopeless. I am instantly so angry and frustrated beyond explanation. Angry with Josh and all his stupid technology crap that I can't figure out. Angry that he isn't there to just magically make it work with just one touch. Angry that I can't figure it out and feel helpless and stupid. And of course this launches me into feeling weepy and hot mess zone who just want a hug. Goodness, I HATE feeling crazy. It's not fair- I already have the whole woman hormone emotion thing going and you add grief crazy on top of it. Seriously give me a break already God! I need some serious peace.
For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. - 1 Corinthians 14:33
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