prayer

Prayers. The afternoon that Josh's heart stopped beating, I prayed more desperately than I ever had before. I texted, "Josh isn't breathing. Pray" over and over to friends and family. I held my children as we prayed that God would heal their daddy and that they would "cast all their anxiety on God because he cares for you". And they believed without a doubt that it would happen. They came to that hospital room with full confidence that their daddy would be fine believing with child-like faith that of course God would heal their daddy. God is the healer. God can do anything. Nothing is impossible for God. God hears our prayers. God answers prayers. Why wouldn't God answer their prayers. He is a good father. He cares for them. He loves them. And yet, as my eyes bore into the doctor's black watch on his right wrist, I heard from a distance that my prayers were not answered.  Or I guesss they were answered,  just answered not with the yes, that I had desperately begged for, but with a resounding NO. "No, I will not heal. He is dead."  I had to bring my children into a room where their daddy lay dead on the table and tell them that there prayers were not answered. Their daddy was dead. The unbelief that God would not save their daddy was slow to take. It wasn't until they held his cold hands that I so desperately tired to keep warm, and they saw his swollen face, that they believed that their prayers had been denied. "But why mom? We prayed he was going to be ok." Oh Lord Jesus, how we prayed.  How to explain to children that sometimes God answers no even when I can't fathom why God would say no to healing Josh.  How to believe he is a good Father even when he says no. How to instill faith that they, that we, that I still pray believing that God is going to answer and listen. How to trust his answer that I hate so much is what is best for my family. Oh Lord help me. I believe; help my unbelief. Do I believe God answers prayer? Yes. I believe; help my unbelief.  Do I believe God is working for the best for my children and I?  Yes. I believe; help my unbelief. Do I believe in miracles? Yes. I believe; help my unbelief.  Do I trust even when the answer is no? I believe; help my unbelief.  Do I believe that God will do them in my life....  I believe; help my unbelief.

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him from bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will you give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him." Matthew 7:7-11

Have faith in God, Jesus answered. "Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain. 'Go throw yourself into the sea,' and does not double in their heart but believers that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believer that you have received it, and it will be yours. - Mark 11:22-24

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him. - Romans 8:28