Whirlwind

I vacillate between feeling completely overwhelmed with the pace of life right now and thankful for it. It is like this every year. We get to spring break and the school year flies. I feel like I just need to hold on for the ride. The problem of course is that it doesn't leave much time for processing grief. Maybe one reason for my numbness. On one hand I am looking forward to summer so that life can slow down. All of us are ready to slow down from the rat race of school and work. Yet, I look at summer and it's a blank slate. We have no plans, no vacations, nothing.  It terrifies me.  In some ways the busyiness and schedule allows us to survive right now. When summer hits we will have no distraction from the grief. It will be just us at home without Josh there to fill the days. It's weird to redefine our family so completely... yet to be doing many of the same things we did before. Trips to the Custard Spot for ice cream, hiking trails, riding our bikes, taking walks, swimming at the pool, going up north, playing sports outside. So many of the same things, but without our favorite person to do them with. The giant hole is so gaping its hard to grasp.  And yet, I found the verse below and loved the idea of keeping ourselves in the love of God by praying in the Holy Spirit, waiting for his mercy, and being built in faith. Oh how I cry out for his mercy and comfort, surrounded by his love in this time.

But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. Jude 1:20-21