Holidays

Tonight in the grief counseling group we talked about how to handle upcoming holidays, birthdays and special occasions over the year.  I'm overwhelmed just thinking about it. There is so much tradition steeped into everything we do, and Josh is in everything we do. Some of my favorite memories include these traditions. Josh always making us our favorite dinner for our birthdays, which typically included grilling us some kind of ribs or steak. Shooting guns all Memorial weekend at the cabin with the kids begging Josh to learn how to shoot the BB gun.   All of us putting up the Christmas tree together, with Christmas music in the background and Caleb typically plopped in Josh's lap. Josh lifting them up to put up the angel on the tree. Josh making his favorite spicy molasses cookies at Christmas with his mom and the kids. Josh practicing all December for his entry in the family cook off on New Years Day (another favorite day for us all- yum food!).  This doesn't even begin to touch on Father's Day, birthdays, and the other events to come. So weird to have our very favorite times of the year tinged with sadness and longing.
And yet the tinge affects every day life as well.  Tonight was the first night I actually cooked the entire dinner instead of having a meal brought to the house or eating leftovers. Just spaghetti, but when all four of us sat down, the gapping hole at the head of the table was never more obvious. Kayleigh's comment was, "We have always had one extra seat but now we have two. It's lonely without daddy here. I miss him making dinner and eating with us."  So do we darling. So do we.

"Have faith for the small battles and courage for the big ones. And at the end of the day go to sleep in peace; God is awake."

So do not fear, I am with you; Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.- Isaiah 41:10