Parenting alone. Can I say how inadequate I feel. Today especially it hit home as how to handle conflict between kids, and discipline, and school, and sickness, and bedtimes, and so many other things I can't even begin to describe them. I'm disappointed in behaviors, and am at a loss of how to parent my loves well. I don't know how to do this without Josh. I question everything I say and do, afraid I am going to screw them up. I throw a quick prayer up to God a thousand times a day begging for patience and wisdom before I lose it over just one more moment of bickering or whining or fighting. And then I do lose it as I start lecturing at 8:30pm that 'I am serious that it is time to be done playing night ninja in the pitch dark AND wind down for bed now'. Of course this means that I am met with tears, and 'it is not fairs' and 'you promised to play a game with us' woes. So on we go with quick games, drying tears, and hugs. I'm tired. So tired. And just when I think they are finally in bed, instead my energizer bunny girls have come back in every five minutes for some other urgent matter to report. I am weary. So inadequate. Lord please help.
Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
Inadequacy as a parent, and partner, is something that I'm constantly struggling with too. There is never enough time, enough of me to go around. But it's helpful to realize that our kids will always give us a second chance, especially if we are there for them.
ReplyDeleteAmen to that and Kelly, no you're not perfect and you will make parenting mistakes, yes, but you are doing ann amazing job, don't doubt that! And 'amazing' btw, doesn't look perfect. It includes snapping sometimes, losing it, needing to just shut that door and be by yourself for a minute. But as long as you keep coming back to the Lord and asking those quick shout outs of prayers each day, asking forgiveness, then that's all God asks of you. I know you and those kids, whether mad at you or not over something, will never not know they are loved. You are doing great. And your 'village' will step in whenever you need us bc hey, we ALL need that village.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how long some days must be Kelly. Days when the hits just keep coming. But you are enough because you are going to the One who makes you enough. And your kids see that! We will all make mistakes, but what you are teaching your kids (even as you ask forgiveness for your own mistakes) is to depend wholeheartedly on Jesus. He has you in His hands and He will work though your village to hold you too! We love you and your sweet children!
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