No good, very bad day

It was a no good, very bad day. I was up for two hours in the middle of the night unable to sleep  The sad part is that there wasn't any one horrid event. I just couldn't get myself out of a funk that never seemed to end. I ended up with a headache by noon, was struggling to even focus on anything I was doing, and barely accomplished anything all day.  I locked myself in my office and hid in the dark for the last ten minutes of school. All day I was a hot mess. Crabby and upset. Vulnerable and raw. Exposed and afraid. Afraid of so many things. Of getting hurt. Of not getting everything done.  Of disappointing those I love. Of failing. Of communicating everything wrong.  Of so much. I hate feeling so open and raw with emotion all the time. I feel like I've been flung into this new world I don't like or know how to navigate. Widow. Ugh! Worst word ever. I hate it. It describes all that I hate- alone, bereft, death.
I came home from work and just hid under my blankets, trying to shut out the world for a minute. Most days I HAVE to be strong. I have three children that need me constantly. I have a home to run and work to do. Today I am a broken hot mess, hurting and raw. Unable to protect my heart- from heartache and sorrow, pain and grief. World, be careful with me, for I am broken and fear I may shatter.
Lord have mercy.

We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so this his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. - 2 Corinthians 4:8-11

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. - Psalm 116:1-2